My life with Fibromyalgia

This post is one that I so desperately want everyone to read. My struggle with Fibromyalgia has cost me so much over the last 4 years. I have lost numerous jobs, I have missed several engagements with friends and family and in turn I have actually lost friends because they felt I was flaky, I have struggled in my current relationship because of the depression and anxiety this illness has cast upon me, I have lost the energy to do much of anything (especially keeping up with household chores) which has left my boyfriend having to do everything....work, go to school and keep up the house. I could go on and on about the things this illness has cost me but I feel like this post would never end if I did that. 

I am a part of several Fibromyalgia support groups on Facebook and today one of them posted the following which is a "letter from Fibromyalgia." I had to blog it because it explains exactly what I go through on a daily basis much better then I ever could. 

A LETTER FROM FIBROMYALGIA

Dear Miserable Human Being,

Hi, my name is Fibromyalgia, and I’m an invisible chronic illness. I am now ‘velcroed’ to you for life. Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and anyway I please. I can cause severe pain, or if I am in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.

Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? I took Energy from you and gave you Exhaustion. Just try to have fun now! I also took Good Sleep from you and in its place gave you Fibro Fog (a.k.a.) Brain Fog. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal. Oh yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away too. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: that virus you had that you never quite recovered from, or that car accident, or childbirth, the death of a loved one, or maybe it was those years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I’m here to stay! I hear you’re going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I’m ‘ROFL’ (rolling on the floor laughing)! Just try! You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. In fact, you’ll see many doctors who tell you ‘it’s all in your head’ (or some version of that). If you do find a doctor willing to treat this ‘non-disease’, you will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, and energy pills. You will be told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENS unit, told if you just sleep and exercise properly, I will go away. You’ll be told to think positively, poked, prodded, and most of all, you will not be taken seriously when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is for you every single day!

Your family, friends, and coworkers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I’m a debilitating disease. Some of them will say things like “Oh, you’re just having a bad day”, or “Well, remember, you can’t expect to do the things you used to do 20 years ago,” not hearing that you said “20 DAYS ago”! Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity, trying to make them understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a ‘normal’ person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next!

In closing, you’ve probably figured out that the ONLY place you will get any real support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People with Fibromyalgia! They are the only ones that will understand your complaints of unrelenting pain, insomnia, fibro fog, the inability to perform the everyday tasks that ‘normal people’ take for granted.

Remember, I’m stuck to you like Velcro – and I expect we’ll be together for the rest of your life.

Have a nice day



I hate this illness more then anything. It all started hitting me about 4 years ago and it progressed slowly at first but over the last couple of years it has overtaken my whole life. For almost 3 years I kept myself isolated in my house....I hardly ever left. I became so anxiety ridden that I couldn't bear to leave the safety of my house. There would be times when the anxiety wasn't so bad so I would try to work a job but within a few weeks my anxiety would overwhelm me so much that I would miss work and eventually I would get fired. Along with the anxiety came full fledged panic attacks and the most severe depression I have ever known. During all of this was when my eating disorder really took flight. I have always had an issue with overeating but never like it has been these last few years. The body pain then took over and I demanded that my doctor send me to a Rheumatologist to see if I did officially have Fibromyalgia. Within 3 minutes of being in the doctor's office he had poked and prodded all 18 of the trigger points of fibro and 17 out of 18 of them hurt like hell. You have to have at least 11 painful trigger points out of the 18 in order to be officially diagnosed. He looked at me and simply said "you have text book fibromyalgia." Well thanks doc.....now what? He told me to listen to my body and take it easy....exercise (swim, walk, yoga) as much as I could, eat healthy, upped my dose of Cymbalta to help with the depression but is also FDA approved for fibromyalgia and then quickly sent me on my way. My psychiatrist had already put me on Cymbalta and Clonazepam for my depression and anxiety. Okay, so I joined my local gym which had a water aerobics class and so I started doing that and I found that I loved it and it was summertime so I swam at the pool at our apartment all summer as well. This was last summer. Last fall the extreme fatigue set in and BAM I would be stuck in bed for days unable to move due to such extreme exhaustion. Then came what we fibro sufferers call "fibro fog" it began affecting my cognitive abilities....I would be in the middle of talking and then just go completely blank or I would struggle so hard trying to find the right word to say or have major issues putting sentences together. Within the last month for the first time I actually forgot my date of birth and social security number while registering with my new doctor (I am 32 years old....this should not be happening!) And I can't forget to add that during the whole past 4 years I have suffered from insomnia....even after the extreme fatigue set in. Along with the sleep issues are the night sweats, vivid dreams and nightmares which happen almost every other night if not every night when my fibro is really out of control. 


These days I struggle on a daily basis with all of the above. I have fibro flares on a regular basis which is basically when my fibro is at its very worst and knocks me on my ass for several days or even weeks at a time. I am going to see a brand new primary care doctor May 14th and I am hoping she will have something different to tell me. I tell you, May 14th can't come fast enough!! I have been trying to get massages when a good deal comes up on groupon but massages are so expensive to do on a regular basis even though I know it's what I need the most. Thanks to my wonderful mother, who also suffers from fibro but on a smaller scale then i do, I am going to her massage therapist tomorrow to get a specialized fibro massage along with some heat therapy. I am looking very forward to that. 

Well, I could go on and on about this part of my life but I hate being such a debbie downer all the time. I am hopeful for a good day tomorrow and as we in the fibro community say...."sending soft hugs" to myself and any other fibro sufferers who happen to come across my blog. 

Much love,
Ashes